I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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