Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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