I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
