but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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