it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
