What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
