The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
