What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
