I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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