I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
