Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
