Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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