He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize