The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
