I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
