Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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