They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
