I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
