he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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