Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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