dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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