I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
