Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize