you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
