happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
