his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
