I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
