don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
