I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize