dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
