It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
