were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
