she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
