I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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