so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
