did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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