Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
