i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
