YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
