Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize