this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
