nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
