What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
