I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
