It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
