Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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