There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
