But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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