Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
