He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want to fling myself into the sun
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
