kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my poor anus
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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