dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
