please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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