3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
