im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
