the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize