There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
