I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
