batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
