Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
