Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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