Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
