I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she peed on how many people?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
