i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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