he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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