I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize