so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
