It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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