Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
