Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
