Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
