okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
